2017-10-29
I am happy to report that after two years of scanning, there is no evidence of enemy camps set up in my body!
From here I will move to yearly check ups with my physician. It is almost like life before cancer. I’m just a regular girl, getting regular exams. Sure, there is a possibility of the cancer coming back, but I know that putting thought and energy into worrying about that will serve no purpose. Sure, I was blindsided once, but that doesn’t mean it will happen again. It might, but it might not. I might step off the sidewalk and get hit by a car, but I might not. We really don’t know how our life will play out. Standing on the sidelines and choosing not to play in the game of life, out of fear of getting hurt, keeps us from experiencing who we are. Stepping onto the field is literally the first step. Next, is making sure that while you’re on the field, you are participating and applying yourself the best you can. It is important to know that your “best” changes, every moment, of every day. Learning to check in with yourself, so you can continue to make adjustments, is key to furthering your success in the game of life.
After I crested the cancer mountain, I realized I was far from getting down. I was a different version of the person who climbed up the front face. While I still felt strong emotionally and spiritually, my physical body and brain were altered from that trip up. For the first six months after treatment I did my best to honour my health and well-being. While my nutrition was decent, my exercise and movement struggled. Pain and fatigue were a real thing for me and it made keeping my feet moving a challenge. Then, at the year mark, it was time to go back to work. I was nervous about getting back into that game! I stepped on the field and immediately felt confused and overwhelmed. I felt like I was in slow motion and everyone else was flying past me. I really wanted out of that game! The sidelines were a way better pace for me! As I started to feel that fear rise up through my body, I knew that I needed to adapt and find a new way to play the game. I knew my strengths and weaknesses, and created a way that I could play without getting ran over. If I gave in to my fear and stepped out of the game, I would become a spectator of my life instead of a participant. My choice was to stay in, figure myself out and enjoy all of what the game of life can bring. By the way, standing on the sidelines to figure things out and make adjustments is good, as long as you get back into the game.
After twelve months of putting the pieces back together, I found that some pieces fit and some didn’t. Instead of forcing the old ones back in, I decided to embrace the new ones and see what the new finished version would be. I decided to call this new version Cindy 2.0.
There is still a lot to figure out with all of my newness, and when I choose to dial in and listen to the whispers of Blaze, I learn something new that enhances my game. For example, the afternoon after I got my two year clean bill of health, I felt energized. As I was reflecting on the last twenty-four months, I caught myself thinking how awesome it is that I don’t have to live in six month cycles anymore. I can get on with my life! It was that last sentence that caught my attention. I thought I was getting on with my life.
The next morning during my meditation, I got a clear picture of what that sentence meant. Over these last two years of living in six month chunks, I haven’t really given my physical health full attention because I had the attitude of, “life is short, eat the cake”. There is nothing wrong with this philosophy when it’s honoured in moderation, and if it was working for me. But it wasn’t. On a less than conscious level I made the decision to eat the cake instead of exercising, because wouldn’t that suck if I get told that I have metastasized cancer and over the last six months I denied myself the experience of divinely fun foods! I already had the experience of being fit and active, instead I was choosing to have the experience of eating with no regrets.
I found living in six month intervals was a constant reminder that life is short. My, “Why spend time exercising, when I could be enjoying food and drinks with friends and creating memories, because no one ever died wishing they were more fit” attitude, became my acceptable norm.
I am feeling blessed that I was able to shift my perspective during that meditation. Getting past the two year mark is a big deal. It truly gives me hope for the long, healthy life I envisioned before getting a cancer diagnosis. I choose to live out my life in a body that is healthy and fit. To do that, I need to put down the cake and start moving my body. I choose to give my soul the opportunity to experience life in a luxury performance car, not a putt, putt jalopy.
Today, I raise my arms up in a V for victory. I am beating cancer and I am choosing to play the game of life in a fit, strong, healthy vibrant body. Cindy 2.0 is awesome!
